Machete Don't Text

Machete kills. With, unsurprisingly, a machete. But he likes a bit of diversity, and puts various other sharp bladed instruments and gun powder fed projectiles to good use. It’s a movie full of deliberately implausible plots, cheesy lines, ridiculous stunts, gratuitous killings and farcical scenes.

There’s also plenty of hot chicks and nudity, which are always plus points. It’s got a lot of viva Mexico, and an equal dose of – is there a polite way to say what Arizona should do with its mother? It’s so very topical. It’s also brilliant fun. I suspect more so with the lads round and a few tinnies.

Machete is a Mexican superhero. With a moustache instead of a cape. Blades instead of lasers. Scars instead of a curly lock of hair. But with a sense of right and wrong. And a willingness to commit a few wrongs to make things right. He has his A Team moments, but unlike the TV show, his victims bleed and heads  really roll.

There’s some famous heads too. Robert De Niro, Don Johnson, Jessica Alba, Steven Seagal, Cheech Marin, Michelle Rodriguez (the delicious Ana Lucia in Lost), and Lindsay Lohan all put in some sterling performances. It hit the screens in the US last month. In Mexico next month. Unless you wander down to your local mercado and pick up a pirata. Or else visit your online movie friend, the Pirate Bay.

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