Profiteering Masterclass

Recently I came across an advert on the Guardian – Blogging Masterclass courses. They’ll take you by the hand and guide you through the jargon, how to sign up a WordPress account, how to customise it, how to add a domain name, how to use social media and how to use text and images. At a staggering £400 per person. I kid you not, £400 per person. Pound Sterling. Real money.To be fair, the price does include lunch. Which really, really needs to be caviar and champagne. And plenty of it.

What the heck?! I’m in the wrong bleeding job! Seriously. I need to start my own business providing basic tuition to gullible old folk with more money than sense ‘beginners’. The first course will be entitled ‘How To Get Online And Survive The First Hour On The Web Without A Nigerian Scammer Emptying Your Bank Account‘. Anyone who is willing to pay £400 for a WordPress beginners course is surely going to be interested in what I have to offer. And by emptying their bank accounts myself before any shady character in Lagos has the chance, I will be delivering the service as promised.

I’m sure there is a career out there somewhere for me in web design/tuition/writing/something or other. I just need to find my niche and then find the time to fill it. Till then, I will continue to regale anyone who passes by with whatever I am droning on about in this here blog. Writing a bloggers guide did occur to me, but I dropped it. It’s been done before. A million times.

I will say this. Blogging is free. Don’t be paying anyone £400 to essentially teach you what you’ll pick up yourself within ten minutes of loading up your web browser. Just plough ahead, and learn with experience. If you’re really unsure, then watch someone else have a go. This is where I introduce the most famous non-blogger on the Mexican blog scene. Now an ex-non-blogger. Gringo Suelto is up and running, after many years of vague but unfulfilled threats to start scribing his own blog rather than scribbling all over other peoples, in their comments sections.  Kim G has generously scattered his wit and wisdom far and wide across the blogosphere for years, but now has a blog of his own to call home. Yay!

Gringo Suelto is going to be an interesting blog to read. First of all, because the writer has so much to share, so many stories to tell and a way with words that is always thought provoking and engaging. But it will also be interesting to see how he develops the blog. What style or theme he settles on. Is there a ‘technical art’ to blogging? I have my theme. One of them is to base a post around my photographs. So here are four photos. Completely irrelevant to this post, but there’s just not enough to say about them to merit a post of their own.

Four photos on A4 that I found recently. I took them ten years ago. My old Honda Pantheon scooter, a couple of snow scenes from our garden/field and my sisters pet owl. I sold the scooter when I fled to Mexico, the snow eventually melted and the owl escaped one day, never to be seen again. Yes, I’m pretty short on inspiration. Scraping the dregs from the bottom of the blogging barrel. I just have nothin’ far ya. Perhaps now is a good time to click on the link to Gringo Suelto and escape the tedium of the Mexile…

 

11 Comments

  • Hmm. You are giving me ideas that may launch me out of retirement. But I suspect I would either bore (or offend) myself (let along audience members) 10 minutes into my first presentation.

    • You’re not retired Steve. Not really. You’ve got the job we all dream of….the one we actually enjoy doing. Travelling, writing, reviewing. You just aren’t getting paid for it.

  • OK, Gary, this post was too funny for words. “Ex-non-blogger,” LOL…

    I also think that you’ll need to either take this post down, or edit it heavily. Why? Can’t you imagine yourself with a dozen people in a room at 400 quid a head teaching them how to use WordPress? Can La Señora tolerate you working a couple of Saturdays a month doing these seminars? I think you should seriously consider giving that class; you’d likely be WAY better than whoever’s giving it now.

    As for giving me as an example, let’s just hope I don’t crash and burn after all the laudatory blog posts my friends have written in the past few days. I’m sweating bullets trying to write the next post. And ideas not related to the current story keep popping up in my head.

    But I shall stay calm and keep blogging.

    Saludos,

    Kim G
    Boston, MA
    Where I’m beginning to wonder if I shouldn’t be investing less energy in comments these days.

    • There’s more than one post I have on this blog which could, potentially, come back to haunt me. But fear not. I’ve made a mental note, and will ensure that if ever I do go into this line of work, I will charge £399.99 and not a penny more!

      Crash and burn?! Perserverence, Mr K. It’s not just about finding your theme, but setting your pace too. Quantity doesn’t equal quantity. David Lida is a good example. He posts very infrequently, but I bet there’s hundreds just waiting for each one to be published.

      We hope you don’t give up on commenting altogether though! I always thought you could create a blog just out of your comments to be honest….

  • Well up and running, yes. Customization takes a while. But that isn’t going to be learned in a one day seminar by any means. I know I had some big help — mainly from your own good self on CSS. And you didn’t charge me a dime! Good man.

    I don’t see where it would NOT be possible for you to get a job in this area. Maybe you could be Huffington Post’s new British-Expat cultiral features man? Who knows. It’s all in the trying (mostly, and with luck).

        • You might be right. And anyway, seeing as it’s you….!

          I used to really enjoy playing with CSS in Opera. It really is a very flexible blogging platform. In many ways, I’m sorry I left. Although, actually, they did ban me in the end for all the adverts I ran on it. So my leaving wasn’t entirely voluntary. To be fair, I got three warnings before they pulled the plug on me.

  • My usual blog building style is to first upload my already edited photos. Then I write the text on a theme that interests me. Next, I choose which photos to embed into the blog text framework. The photo positions and sizes undergo several tweakings. Finally, I preview and edit the whole thing, paying particular attention to grammar, spelling and aptness of phrase. Of course, sometimes it’s much easier than others.

    Saludos,
    Don Cuevas

    • Basing a post around a photo, or even a bunch of photos, does make life easier. In my opinion anyway. A pictures says a thousand words. That’s the post written all by itself already. I just need to find a quarter of the words that picture is saying and to put them into text.

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