Blogs serves multiple purposes. Some are simply online personal diaries. Some are publications designed for sharing. This blog is a bit of both. This post would be for me. For posterity. But people will read it. So I feel compelled to flesh it out a bit. It’s about my moustache. I’m in my 40′s and I’d never grown a moustache. The best I’d done was go four or five days unshaven. That doesn’t produce a moustache. It makes you look unshaven.
It’s November, which means Movember. It’s the perfect excuse. Every man should grown a ‘tache at least once. Just to prove they are a man. Actually, hold that thought. A guy in the office last year gave it a go. I’m not sure he was ever fully aware that he looked like he’d super glued a handful of short and curlys on his top lip. Not a good look. But I was confident I could improve on that look.
So anyway, I set about growing me a moustache. To demonstrate my manliness and show it off to the world. Want some moustache trivia? Yeah, this is the bit where I flesh out the personal drivel. Well here goes. The word moustache is dreived from the Middle Greek word ‘moustaki’. The oldest moustache? An artifact of some sort of a Scythian horseman from 300BC. The longest? Some guy in India spent 22 years growing his tache to a length of 12.5 feet. Mexico’s most famous moustache? Despite the abundance of macho mariachi band members strutting their well groomed top lips, the most famous one must belong to Frida Kahlo. Surely?
It took about 10 days in the end for my top lip to produce a thick enough thatch of stubble to start looking more like a ‘tache and less like an unkempt drunk. After 15 days, it had sufficient depth to start growing cheese sandwiches. In other words, lunch starting disappearing into it. After 20 days, a young chick at work declared I now looked like a paedophile.
The moustache didn’t last into day 21. There’s just some looks that you don’t really want to be pulling off. She wasn’t being mean. After all, she’s come out with other gems in the past such as ‘I hate old people working here. Except for Gary’. Cheers chica! There were other factors in wanting to shave it off. There were the other Movember participants who would approach you. It seems growing a tache means you have entered some sort of sect. It creeped me out a bit. I don’t like strangers approaching me at the best of times. Complimenting my facial hair is as weird as it gets.
Then there are people who just feel compelled to say ‘are you doing Movember?’ No mate. I’ve just forgotten to shave my top lip for 18 consecutive days by accident. Yes, sure, I shaved my chin ok. I just forgot my top lip. I said this to a couple of people who thought it would be the sociable thing to chat about my ‘tache. My humour can be delivered a bit dry sometimes. I don’t think they entirely knew how to take that.
Anyway. It’s gone. My mid life moustache crisis is over. I’ve proven to myself that I can grow one if I want. But quite frankly, I don’t want. It’s irritating having a coarse wire-like bunch of hairs on your face. And it was causing skin problems. I do have genuine issues with my skin without deliberately aggravating it. So. I am an ex moustache sect member with a newly blunted razor. After all this chat, you probably want to see it, right? Pft. Probably not. But, you’re gonna get it anyway. After all, the Selfie is the biggest trend in photography and the newest word in the Oxford dictionary. Here it is. Or was…