I’m not a fan of early mornings. Especially ones that start before 6am and have an hour long drive right at the beginning of the day. But when there’s a view of a sunrise across a sandy bay, somewhere along a stretch of Dorset’s Jurassic Coast…well, your brain can fool you that you do like early mornings after all. The illusion doesn’t last long, however. There’s only so long that you can watch a sunrise. Work beckons.
Early mornings in an English seaside town possess a certain surreal atmosphere. There are long periods of silence, punctuated only by seagulls and the waves lapping on the sand. They are like ghost towns. But fear not. You’ll not usually have to wait too long to be reassured that you’ve not slept through the rapture to find it’s just you left. Every town has its small but determined crew of early risers. A hardy bunch of elderly chaps will appear and disappear before first light has even shown itself. Newspapers must be bought. Dogs must be walked.
President Obama recently remarked that no matter who won the election, the sun would still rise the next day. He was right, of course. He’s one of the US’s better post-war presidents. The tranquility of sunrise provides an excellent opportunity to contemplate what the new year will bring. To reconcile oneself with the inevitable. To see the silver linings in the approaching storm clouds.
In that spirit, I’ve spent the morning considering which of Mr Trump’s promises I’m most looking forward to. Bringing back the torture of foreign combatants sounds particularly fun. Perhaps Mr Trump could put a new spin on it, and televise the process in front of live audiences. Strap Abdul in and make him squeal. If the audience are unimpressed, they can have buttons to press to up the voltage.
But to be honest, the invasion and looting of Middle Eastern countries has more appeal to me. Sure, it’s technically against the Geneva Convention, but this is no longer an age of political correctness. We want to see Ross Kemp huddled in trenches, ducking bullets fired by mad mullahs with their heads wrapped in tea towels. Quite frankly, TV just hasn’t been the same since the end of the Iraq War.