Tag Archives: england

November 20, 2011 · 11:06 am

The Essence Of Englishness

I stopped Paola as we walked along an old disused railway line. A lot of railway lines have been reclaimed by nature, or by nature loving people since the mass closures of lines and stations in the 60′s. The railway line we were on has an old iron bridge that once safely guided old steam locomotives across the river Avon. That’s where I stopped her, as I’d spotted something as equally English as a closed rail line.

Below us was a fisherman, with a bent rod. He’d caught something, and it looked like it might be sizeable. Fishing is one of mankind’s oldest skills. It still brings out the hunter in us. The battle of wits between man and beast, and the struggle for survival – to eat or to at least not be eaten. The fisherman managed to bring his catch close to the bank and scooped it up in a large landing net. He’d caught a pike, a carniverous fish that roams many of England’s natural waterways.

He used a pair of hook pliers to free the bait from its gut. He weighed the beast – 10 pounds. And then, very gently, he released the fish back into the water. He wasn’t for the dinner table. He was freed, unharmed and ready to fight another day. Which is very un-English. We’re normally very quick to kills things. We’ve spent centuries shooting, cutting, strangling and bludgeoning living things all around the world. It’s rather what we’re known for, really. But when it comes to fishing, that’s not always the case. Which could be regarded as rather eccentric. And eccentricity is very English.

Between landing and releasing the fearsome creature, the fisherman asked me to take a photo of him and his catch. It really was a very good catch indeed, and well worth recording for posterity. He handed me his camera. The battery, alas, was flat. But I always have my shiny new Samsung Galaxy S2 in my pocket, with it’s 8mp camera at the ready. I snapped and sent the resulting image by text, and he has proof of his catch when telling the tale of his battle in the pub later in the evening.

Mexican Wobbly Ginger Tosser

That’s a headline that should, in theory, grab some attention. But there’s no slur or slander involved. First impressions may count, but shouldn’t be counted on. Because today’s quick scribble is inspired by a story and a day out, with England meeting Mexico in a beerfest of a post.

The story, published on the Herald.net, starts “A teetotaling Mexican hotel worker travels to England, befriends a whisky-drinking Irishman and scrubs toilets in a pub while learning to brew killer beer.” Mexicans love their ceveza, and so does the rest of the world. The country is the world’s 5th biggest producer or exporter. I don’t remember which, but no matter. The point is, they’re a big player, producing in the Premier League along with the likes of Germany, the Netherlands, the Aussies and the English.

Dare I mention US beer? It generally has a terrible reputation outside of the country, although I can tolerate a Miller Genuine Draft. Seeing as I’ve spent so much time in Milwaukee. Just a half, mind you. At most. By and large I’m a tee-totaller. I’m sure ‘tea-totaller’ must be an American word, even if I’ve used the double ‘l’ Anglicised spelling. In England I believe the correct word is ‘freak’.

I love the smell of beer though, and if I am going to imbibe a little, my favourite tipple is a mild ale. Another sign of me getting old, I fear. I used to drive past a local brewery every day, and would open the visor of my helmet to breathe in the warm, malty aroma that seeped from the place.

And just a week ago I attended the 2nd Big Bournemouth Beer Festival, with more than 200 ales, porters, bitters and ciders from around the British Isles available for tasting. I didn’t get terribly far. Including smaller samples to supplement the two halves I purchased, I think I got through just five. But it was still worth the visit.

The free taster’s booklet was fantastic. It listed everything that was on tap, complete with barmy names and dubious descriptions. ‘A pale straw coloured ale with a strong citrus hop aroma’ gives you an idea of what to expect when downing Barngates’ Cat Nap. I can dig that description. But there were some frankly bizarre examples. One had as many twists and turns as Coronation Street, apparently. How many beers had been drunk and just how sozzled that reviewer was remains a mystery. But I can guess.

But it’s the names of English beers that I really like. Pheasant Plucker, Sheepshaggers Gold and Fenny Popper don’t strike me as drinks that would go terribly well with Brewer’s Droop. The latter might go well with a Skinner’s Ginger Tosser. A combination that is, I imagine, less embarrassing. Although probably better in the long term than having a run in with Potton’s Village Bike. Bitter and Twisted and Whingers Bitter are highly recommended for England football fans after their latest flop in a major tournament. They’d also probably appreciate a pint or three of Northumberland Bucking Fastard. Just to help get things off their chest. And I’m really not making these names up, by the by.

But back to the story of Mexicans learning the microbrewery trade and taking it back home. I think it’s a great idea. It’s a part of the beer producing industry that hasn’t been exploited very much in Mexico, but I’m sure there’s a market for it. I mean, people are still swilling millions of gallons of pulque for goodness sake.

But they need to come up with some imaginative names for their new brews. A Tepito Tit Whacker anyone? How about a Tlalpan Saucy Surprise? My imagination is running low. Any pithy suggestions are welcome in the comments section. Or you could seek out Jose Morales and see if you can impress him enough to have your literary genius bottled.

10 Comments

Filed under Food and Drink

Tagged as ale, beer, blogsherpa, cerveza, england, mexico

December 1, 2010 · 8:00 am

World Cup 2018

Thursday is a big day. One of the biggest days of my life. In the top 20 anyway. On Thursday, in Zurich, FIFA will announce who will host the 2018 World Cup. England are one of the four candidates, and one of three who have a genuine chance of winning – the Holland/Belgium bid is very much an outsider.

If England were to win it would be the first time in more than 50 years since the world’s biggest sporting event has returned to the birthplace of the game. If we lose, I would be in my 50′s before another chance came around. It’s a big day.

England have been big favourites to win the hosting rights for most of the bidding process. FIFA have previously stated that joint bids, such as the Holland/Belgium and Spain/Portugal bids, were not favoured. The other candidate, Russia, has serious issues. Not least because of the logistics of hosting an event over such a huge area. There’s also the issue of stadiums – Russia will need to build 13 of them from scratch. England, on the other hand, could host the tournament tomorrow.

And yet, as the final vote draws near, England’s chances have slipped. Why? Because English reporters identified a number of corrupt FIFA officials, two of whom had voting rights. They correctly identified them – six members were suspended. Were FIFA grateful to have the bad eggs fingered?

Nope. They were forced to go through the process of suspensions of the members involved, but are furious that the English media put them in the spotight in the first place. Statements have filtered out that the revelations have harmed England’s candidacy. A strange reaction – unless they are all corrupt. One is left to assume they are. And England’s bid now hangs in the balance.

FIFA aren’t fit to run a sport. But such is life. One can only hope that the voting members remember that their duty is to cast their ballot for the best bid, and not the bid that put most cash in their pocket. And that they remember that votes shouldn’t be cast to spite a few individuals, but for the joy of an entire population.

Spain and Portugal, I know, would love to host the event. But should such a massive event with massive costs be given to two members of the PIGS, who may (will probably) need bailing out by other EU members in the not so distant future. That would be galling – for the English taxpayer to effectively be paying Spain to host the World Cup.

England’s bid video is below. But there are other videos worth watching. An unofficial England bid video is pretty funny. Finally, the one bit of hope we have – Paul the Octopus, may he rest in peace, selected England as the winners of the hosting competition before he popped his ~~clogs~~ suckers. Come on England!

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Filed under Sport

Tagged as 2018, england, host, world cup

June 27, 2010 · 5:55 pm

How I Lost 7-2

The joy of living in another country is that you get to follow two teams in the World Cup. Double the opportunity for some glory. It also doubles you opportunity for misery. I got a double dose of the latter. The first infusion of misery hurt most. England being knocked out by Germany.

Yes, Germany were the better team. Yes, England’s defence looked as solid as a paper house in a hurricane. Yes, John Terry probably does a better job of staying erect with team mates girlfriends than on a football pitch. But if you think you’re about to read a humble post from a gracious loser, you’ve so come to the wrong blog!

In the northern hemisphere at the moment, in a small town in south London, Wimbledon I think it’s called, there is a tennis tournament going on. And they have this fancy little device called Hawkeye. It will tell your ears quicker than your eyes can tell your brain that a small, fluffy green ball less than 3″ in diameter, travelling at up to three times the speed of a football, has gone 1mm wide of a chalk line.

In the southern hemisphere, at the World Cup, you have three officials running round a pitch like they’re playing a game of musical chairs at an RNIB Christmas party. And getting things hopelessly wrong. Repeatedly. And yet I don’t blame the referee. Who, when shown the video replay at half time, is reported to have exclaimed ‘Oh my god!‘ Read the rest of the article for a more objective account of the point I’m trying to make.

Why is there no goal line technology in football? If you don’t know, here’s the reason. Because Fifa, and Sepp Blatter in particular, don’t want it. Because, apparently, football should be the same game whether played in a World Cup final or on a Sunday afternoon in an amateur league in Blackburn Lancashire. What a load of nonsense!

How many amateur teams play on pitches with under soil heating, that are maintained by a professional crew? How many amateur teams pay their players millions of pounds a year? How many amateur teams have tens of millions of fans watching them on television? How many amateur teams call off games because there’s a bit of ice on the road outside the ground?

How many amateur teams screw around with each others girlfriends? Ok, the last point might be both irrelevant and just as true as the pros. But still. You get my point. The amateur game and the professional games already have massive differences between them. Adding some technology to the professional game isn’t going to kill the amateur sport.

Sometimes games are won or lost according to who takes their chances and who doesn’t. Today it was about who’s goals were allowed and who’s goals weren’t. I know, I know. Germany went on to score two more after that incident. But that goal would have brought England level at 2-2. And that changes the game. The whole style of the game. If England hadn’t had to chase the game. If, if, if.

Maybe Germany would have gone on to win 6-2. Maybe England would have sneaked a third and triumphed. Maybe undeservedly so. I don’t care. Who knows? We’ll never know. It’s not fair on the fans who paid thousands upon thousands of ever devaluing British pounds to travel half way round the world to see their team. They paid enough to deserve to know what would have happened.

But such is life. It wasn’t to be. It turned out that Adolf needn’t have been so concerned after all. My Mexican amigos have common ground to commiserate with me too, after the first goal that Argentina scored was so blatantly off side. It had been a tight game before that. the goal really knocked the wind out of their sails. They lost their composure, discipline and soon after a second goal – game over.

So that’s probably pretty much the last of my World Cup posts. Maybe I’ll find some enthusiasm to write something more come the latter stages of the competition. Otherwise, I’ll sign off now. What’s left to say. Oh, I know…..who won the bloody war anyway?!

Tsk. The Beeb are getting clever. The video won’t work if you’re outside the UK. Click here to see a slightly crappy video of the disallowed goal, to see just how bloody far it was over the line!

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Filed under Uncategorized

Tagged as cheating swine, england, germany, lampard, world cup

June 23, 2010 · 4:25 pm

Redemption

I’m not generally a superstitious person. Religion is all hocus pocus to me. Black cats crossing my path have no effect on the rest of my day. Walking under ladders is a favourite past time, a poke in the eye to bad luck. But when it comes to football, I do get peculiarly drawn into to patterns, superstitions, habits and other silly nonsense. The fact that England wore all red today made me feel that bit more positive.

I went to watch the game in the Zocalo, on the Fifa Fan Fest screen. Of the six important matches so far of the competition, the three England games and the three Mexico games, only two of them were won. Well, won by the team I wanted to win. And I watched both of those games at the Zocalo. Coincidence? I think not! Therefore, I must watch all future England games at the Zocalo, and England are guaranteed, yes guaranteed, to win the World Cup….

England’s performance today was such a turn around compared to their efforts against the US and Algeria. For the first sixty minutes in particular, they simply blew Slovenia away. With class, if not with an avalanche of goals. We could have had a half dozen though. In fact I’ll go so far as to say that that was the most impressive sixty minutes of football I’ve watched at the World Cup so far.

That late, late goal by the US was unfortunate though. Although you could say we should have scored a second goal and secured first place in the group without relying on other teams to help out. To win the World Cup, we’ll now have to do it the hard way. After the next round against Germany, Argentina will possibly be waiting. Then Spain. Then Brazil in the final. If all goes as it is expected to go….

But anyway. Bring on the Germans! The Hun. The Krauts. Let’s have at old Jerry! Sink the Bismark – oh and has anyone mentioned Hitler only had one ball? And who won the war anyway?! Yes, it’s time for the English tabloids to go into a nationalistic, rhetoric filled, literary overdrive. It might be politically incorrect to be abusive towards blacks, asians, jews and the rest. But the Germans are still fair game. Red heads too. And of course, the French. That goes without saying. I wonder if they could hear the gut wrenching belly laughing on their side of the channel when South Africa scored yesterday…?

I won’t go so far as the tabloids though. I actually like Germans. They make excellent travel companions. But there’s 23 Germans I’d rather were back in Alemania come Monday morning. Instead of abuse, I feel it’s time for some cheesy England music…..although this was the best England World Cup song of all time, even if it was unofficial.

If you’re in the mood for some old skool, then there was 1990′s World In Motion by New Order- if you’re looking for history to repeat, you’ll surely have noted that in 1990 we drew our first game 1-1, the second game 0-0 before going through by winning the third game 1-0. And then onto the semi final. Let’s have some of that rather than what happened in Mexico in 1970. No one wants to come back home just yet….Hopefully, this time we’ll get it right.