In the substantial grounds of the Basilica de Guadalupe, lies a waterfall and three ponds. They are deep, enclosed and flushed with a constant flow of fresh water. The perfect home for a few turtles. Yet it is empty…what a waste. My turtles would be in heaven there. Well, maybe not heaven, but the next best thing. Now, how to convince the archbishop, or whomever, that the ponds should be put to good use? I have an idea…..a letter.
Dear Mr Archbishop,
Last night I had a dream, in which a mysterious lady appeared. I noticed her immediately, as she had a large piece of board stuck to her back, decorated with fairy lights and tinsel. She was also most insistent that she has never, ever had sex (insert your own innuendo here, but keep it to yourself – it’s a most sensitive subject with Mexicans!) and that she wants me to bring my ten turtles to the Basilica….you can see where I’m going with this by now, I’m sure.