Turtle Heaven

In the substantial grounds of the Basilica de Guadalupe, lies a waterfall and three ponds. They are deep, enclosed and flushed with a constant flow of fresh water. The perfect home for a few turtles. Yet it is empty…what a waste. My turtles would be in heaven there. Well, maybe not heaven, but the next best thing. Now, how to convince the archbishop, or whomever, that the ponds should be put to good use? I have an idea…..a letter.

Dear Mr Archbishop,

Last night I had a dream, in which a mysterious lady appeared. I noticed her immediately, as she had a large piece of board stuck to her back, decorated with fairy lights and tinsel. She was also most insistent that she has never, ever had sex (insert your own innuendo here, but keep it to yourself – it’s a most sensitive subject with Mexicans!) and that she wants me to bring my ten turtles to the Basilica….you can see where I’m going with this by now, I’m sure.

The place is a holy place. Surely if I just dumped the little ones in there, they’d feel a Christian obligation to feed them!


13 thoughts on “Turtle Heaven

  1. Elizabeth says:

    Why stop at turtles? why not tadpoles, gold fish, guppies, and an otter or two? And then, it’s not a big step to add things like those ceramic castles and fake coral, plastic seaweed…you get the idea…..


    • I like the idea of tadpoles, and fish….the turtles need something to chase to keep them fit. And every now and then it’ll finish with them having an afternoon snack. Not so sure about the otters though….! They already have a castle and a few toys to take with them!


  2. Nez says:

    Oh man. I think the previous 3 comments have beat me to it. Just got back from court (its still going and getting a bit more interesting…those sleeping attorney’s have woken up and are on the attack! Remind me NEVER to get sued or go on a witness stand) and this has given me a good laugh! If you don’t write this letter to the archbishop you should still promote the idea of the turtle’s and their Christian obligation to find a sanctuary…la Virgencita said so! I promise at least 10 people will come forward and offer you somewhere grand to place them 😀

    “Because Jesus said so” (double team em with mother and son!)


    • You know, sooner or later, as my time in Mexico runs towards its natural end, I’m going to have to start writing a few letters. Some will be more hopeful than others. Some may feature more Christian language and pleading that others, too!


  3. Vato Loco says:

    If those ponds are use by people, i would not want to have any filthy animals in them, specially turtles with they salmonella and stuff.

    I hate turtles so much….


    • The ponds are purely ornamental, there for no other purpose other than to be looked at.

      But….you hate turtles??! You probably wouldn’t like to spend any time in my yard then…..


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