An Introduction

When I’ve travelled abroad, I’ve gone to see things that I would find most objectionable. Bull fighting in Mexico City, for example. In a couple of weeks I shall do something similar here, and go to see innocent people tortured for several hours. I am going to go to the Globe Theatre in London and watch a Shakespeare play. The Taming of the Shrew, to be precise. I’ve mentioned my dislike for Wills before on these pages. I’m in the minority, I know. I won’t rehash my reasoning today though.

I suspect I’ll enjoy the play though, and the occasion too. I’ve decided to ‘play along’ with it all and get myself into character. You see, here in Blighty we have so many more choices when we book tickets to go out. We don’t just get to choose the seating. There are other options available. And let me tell you, I don’t see why I have to be boring old ‘Mr’ every single time I book something when there are so many more glamorous salutations to choose from. Mr Denness will not be visiting the Globe. Allow me to introduce you to Viscount Denness. I could have gone for a more senior noble title I suppose. But I just like the sound of Viscount. It looked good on the tickets when they came to. I could get used to being a Viscount, very easily.

Now, one truly hopes that the Globe appreciate such prestigious patronage and will afford me the rightful amount of respect and reverence upon my arrival. I’ve seen how the stars are greeted at the Oscars and I expect nothing less. The Globe might have been built upon the principles of 16th century England, but there’s no excuse for their tech not to be 100% up to date. Communication is everything, and if they don’t have a business engineered telcom system that’s up to snuff I suggest they seek out a fixed-mobile convergence here.  People are going to be making calls in to get things right for me, and those calls need to be answered at the right time by the right people. The latest tech makes all this perfectly possible. But I don’t want my ticket prices to go up, thank you very much, so the value they offer with hosted calls will suit us all.

They will need it. I want carpet, hosts to remove our jackets and see us to our place, I want drinks pronto and of course I want to hear slavish ‘yes, your lordship’ as an answer to my every whim. You know the routine. I’ll say jump, they’ll ask how high. Etc. Of course, there is an alternative ending to this story. There’s probably a law against pretending to be a noble. Maybe I’ll be greeted at the gates by police and carted off to the local nick! Although that really would require a complete and utter lack of humour whatsoever!

12 thoughts on “An Introduction

  1. Oh the crass commercialism of my native land. I had to invest fifteen greenbacks to affix “Reverend” to my name. “Right Honorable” is way cooler, though in the U.S., nobody would ever think I was right… and more than a few think I’m less than honorable.

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    1. I don’t think its terribly prudent either. It wasn’t intentional. I uploaded the original rather than the blurred copy. I’ve taken it down and will upload the original later. Thanks for pointing it out. 🙂

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  2. Hmmm. I have a bit of bad news. We went to see Hamlet a couple of years ago. Now I did Hamlet over 2 years in English in school and know the story pretty well but regardless, the play was so freaking boring that we walked out at intermission!

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    1. Well at least we’re not going to see Hamlet. I am intending to get there earlyish so that I can get a squatting space up by a wall which will enable me to have a snooze if necessary.

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    1. Señor Cotton, I’m shocked! A die-hard republican like yourself, as an imperialist imposter?! But anyways, I’ll bet the Earl of Brothel has more fun with his privileges, although probably not at Langan’s 🙂

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  3. Are you sure that they aren’t going to decide that the true Viscount Dennis is in the trunk of your car when you show up? And have you arrested on the spot?

    Saludos,

    Kim G
    Boston, MA
    Where I barely even ever get called “sir” or “mister.”

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