Now That’s What I Call The Apocolypse

So. Tomorrow’s the big day. Time to phone in sick from work and blow your life savings on black on the Roulette Channel on cable TV, just for the hell of it. Just to see if you should have done it years ago. Roll up a fat one. Sit back in a comfortable chair. Sip a beer. Turn on the news channel. Wait and see what happens. I’m convinced. This time it’s for real. The apocalypse is here. I am forever fighting a battle to pay my bills, regularly miss lunch, have an unsightly bout of psoriasis, customers keep phoning me to report thefts they need to claim for, Fox News is broadcasting hate 24/7 and my cup of coffee got spilled during an earthquake today. That, or it was the dogs tail. One or the other. But anyways, that’s enough signs for me. All seven of them.

Once There Were Heroes

Yup, this time it’s for real. The Mayans were smart fellows. They wouldn’t get this wrong. And of course, the people deciphering the Mayan stuff, which admittedly means nothing to me, they’re smart fellows too. I don’t see how this could go wrong. All I’m waiting for now is the Antichrist to appear. Who’s it gonna be?! It’s like waiting for the next episode of Lost, the tension is unbearable. There are just so many candidate, but my money’s on Bill O’Reilly. He just seems the sort. So I’m gonna sit back in a comfy chair and wait. I’ll need some tunes. I’ve compiled a veritable album worth of appropriate music. I’ve called it Now That’s What I call The Apocalypse. What? EMI has already copyrighted that name? Shucks. Sue me, suckers….

It’s The End Of The World – REM

My Way – Frank Sinatra

Goodbye Cruel World – Pink Floyd

The End – The Doors

Sympathy For The Devil – Rolling Stones

You’ll have Time – William Shatner (if Mastercard were sponsoring the Apocalypse, this is the track. Priceless)

Live And Let Die – Wings

We Are All Made Of Stars – Moby

If Tomorrow Never Comes – Ronan Keating

Self Preservation Society – The Italian Job (especially for you nut jobs who think you can beat this rap…)

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life – Monty Python

Have I missed out any essential apocalypse tracks? Let me know. Quickly. Tick tock. We haven’t got all day. And for those of you who are just not getting into the spirit of things, you darned killjoys….well, this one’s for you. Did you watch it? Yeah, you’re not feeling so scathing about this end of the world stuff now, are you? Not so smug now, are you. No. I didn’t think so. Two minutes of that, and quite frankly Armageddon can’t come soon enough. Anyway, that’s all from me. It’s been a blast. Happy Apocalypse Day.  Goodbye y’all.

16 thoughts on “Now That’s What I Call The Apocolypse

  1. I like this “side” of you.
    add “If tomorrow never comes” by Garth Brooks.
    too country? sue me.
    Bill O’Reilly is too obvious…..you don’t think an antichrist is going to be parading around looking and acting like a mean old devil, do you?
    My bet/money is on……..that pregnant gal that’s married to Princess Di’s oldest boy…forgotten her name for the minute. But you know, that girl…

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    1. That song is in my list, albeit a more modern cover version by Ronan Keating. As for the antichrist. I’d prefer it to be Bill. Or Palin, perhaps. But the spawn of a Royal makes better sense! Technically she (Kate!) Was six months away from delivering her little apolyptical bundle of joy, but I suspect ole belzebub wouldn’t be constrained by normal natural processes.

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    1. The word on the street, as I heard it,was that the apocalypse is ‘manana’. I have also discovered a significant flaw with the Kindle Fire HD….there is no way to do the squiggly Spanish ‘ny’.

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  2. Linda and I spent the last 24 hours at a remote Guatemalan ruin waiting on the apocalyptic event, it sprinkled a little bit. Linda dozed right through the sprinkle, my bald plate awoke me to the event. My feet are sore from standing around most of the day and night. Lots of fiddle, drum and flute music, plenty of dancing in circles. Was there copal in plenty? Oh yes. The four horsemen were not in sight. The stars were not too shabby to say the least. ,And something crossed off the bucket list.

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    1. They never appeared? Things just don’t run like they used to. Perhaps they were using British Rail for part of their journey. In which case they’ve probably been delayed by wet leaves or the wrong type of snow on the lines.

      Personally, I blame Obama.

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  3. I’m leaving this comment from the Great Beyond. Frankly, it’s a lot like the world I just left behind.

    Saludos,

    Kim G
    Boston, MA
    Where I’m hoping to see you again in the afterlife.

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