Don’t worry, he’s not ours. He is a newly arrived nephew. He has a first name and two middle names, all in homage to his recent ancestors. All of whom are now sadly deceased – great grandfather on the maternal side, and grandfather on the other. Sort of. It’s complicated. On my blog, we will call him simply Master J. He’s a cheery, chubby little fellow, isn’t he? He’s about eight months old now. Mrs P, being a good Mexican lady, is needless to say over him like a rash. There are many worse rashes he could have at his age.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you might be wondering where Master Mexile is? Truth be told, we’re still undecided. Of course, if we don’t make a decision pretty soon, then Mother Nature will make it for us. But we have been weighing up the pros and cons for years. One shouldn’t make a rash decision when the consequences are of such a life changing magnitude. Perhaps it is unfair to call them Pros and Cons though. A little bit negative. Perhaps it’s best to weigh up the Pros of having a kid. And the Pros of not having a kid. I always prefer a win-win situation if there is one going.
The pros of having a little ‘un are obvious. Someone to come and visit you when you’re old, wrinkly and quite frankly can’t be arsed to move from the sofa in the care home lounge anymore. And I’d really like to go to the cinema and see Mary Poppins 2 at Christmas, which would look a lot less weird if I were accompanying a child. Also, I’d have something to photograph. Every single day. Over and over, till the whole planet is sick of it. Ummm….I think that’s about it, really.
The pros of not having children are equally obvious, but far more numerous. We’ll have so much more money. We’ll be positively rolling in the stuff. And not covered in an incredible volume of baby poop, pee, puke and snot. We’ll be able to take fabulous holidays when prices are cheaper, and not limited to expensive breaks somewhere shit during school holidays. We will be able to sleep peacefully at night, without having to get up several times a night for a year or two.
Our home will be a tranquil place, all neat and tidy. As opposed to the floor being covered in toys and the air filled with screams. And then there’s those teenage years of strops. Plus, as an added bonus, I won’t have to serve any prison time for discreetly murdering a succession of my little princess’ boyfriends for the crime of ‘impure thoughts’. And whilst it’s nice to have your kid visit you in your care home during the sunset years, it’ll probably be the kid that shoves you off there in the first place. I could go on, but you get the picture.
There’s another angle to this, however. Just have a look at the world around you. The entire planet is rapidly turning into a polluted, resource scarce disaster zone. Frankly, I’m beginning to wonder if the climate change predictions are worth worrying about – we’re finding a whole range of new ways to trash our environment by the day. Did you know that there will be more plastic in the oceans than fish within just a few decades?
I suspect that most generations throughout the centuries have had second thoughts about introducing a living being into a potential upcoming apocolyptic event. But there’s probably never been a time wheen these fears are so well founded. But who truly knows what the future holds? Regardless, I’m fairly convinced that fewer people on planet Earth would be a good thing, and not having a child is a commendable, almost heroic act. And whilst I would like a little princess, I’m also coming to view the preference for boys rather than girls in Indian and Chinese culture is something that should be encouraged, not countered.
Hasn’t this little essay celebrating the arrival of Master J become depressing? Enough of the bad vibes! Here’s to the little fella. May he have a long and prosperous life, and not get caught up in civilisation ending shortages of food, water and energy. And if there are any developments regards Master Mexile, be assured I will introduce him too.