High Value Targets

This, the media keeps repeating, is a war. It’s a real war, against a real enemy. It just so happens the enemy is invisible to the naked eye. If the Coronavirus were sentient beings, I suspect they’d be passing around a pack of playing cards with names and faces of high value targets. So far in the UK, the most recognised name to fall victim, today in fact, is Eddie Large. I can’t see that a telly star several decades past his best is likely to be one of the top 52 names on Corona’s list, but there’s always collateral damage in any war.

It’s noticeable that many of the initial UK victims have been from the wealthier parts of society. But it’s perhaps unsurprising, given the route the virus took into the country. Let’s be honest, Baz and Tracey from Hackney don’t take many skiing holidays to the Italian Alps. And Trevor who fixes up cars under the arches in Walthamstow is unlikely to have gone to Shanghai lately in search of cheaper parts.

I suspect there will be more famous faces than Eddie Large’s that will be sent to the hereafter by the army of Corona. Who? I don’t know. When? Probably sooner rather than later. Where? Somewhere luxurious and well beyond my means. We all hope that no one else will be mown down by this dreadful virus. But we know that our hopes are certain to be dashed.

I’m personally crossing my fingers for the most beloved Brit of them all. David Attenborough. But surely all eyes must be on a lady the same age as him. Her Maj, the Queen. She may be Queen in many peoples hearts, but be in no doubt, she’s the Ace of Clubs on the HVT list. I’m sure there’s a battalion of SAS currently stationed in Buckingham Palace, with snipers on the roof ready to take out anyone sneezing or coughing within a one mile radius. But Corona is a sneaky, invisible enemy. 

But here’s what really got me thinking about the Queen today. If the worst should happen, what does the biggest state funeral in more than 70 years look like in a country on lockdown? Things are weird already. But there is room for them to get a whole lot weirder.