Relationships

The coronavirus is testing the resilience of the worlds economies, health services and food supply systems. So far, they are hurting but holding. But the real test, behind the scenes, is with our relationships, don’t you think? In our homes, streets and workplaces lie our most immediate and emotive relationships. They will be tested, and judging by the increase in calls to domestic abuse hotlines, some people are failing the test. 

And at the heart of every society, and the link between different societies, lie  complex and changeable sets of relationships. The coming five years will be very interesting for the UK. We had already made a decision to re-evaluate our international relationships before the pandemic wreaked havoc. The electorate decided to break up  with our long term love and seek a new adventure. 

Our political classes have since then been playing a game of International Tinder, swiping right through the options, hoping to find a partner who is an improvement on the last one. And hoping not to get caught in the age old ‘rebound’ trap and end up in an abusive relationship.

The first candidate put forward was the United States. But we had doubts from the word go. Sure, the US is an aesthetically attractive candidate, but there’s something terribly off-putting about someone who keeps on telling you how great they are. They are rich, although one wondered how much of that is borrowed wealth. And there is the hygiene issue. We’ve had a sneak peak into the nooks and crannies of the US food production plants, and…urgh. More importantly, the US doesn’t seem to be the strong and stable country of old. It seems it had a nervous breakdown a few years ago and things have just gone downhill in dramatic style since then. In fact, one would currently regard the US as ‘being off ones rocker’ and struggling to have a relationship with reality, let alone an intimate one with a new partner. No, this isn’t a great match. Let’s swipe right…

We’ve been having something of an affair with China for a couple of decades. But they have been cheating on us, the scoundrels, and appear to have passed on a nasty STD. A State Transmitted Disease, in case you’re not up to date with the jargon. Clearly, our relationship with China will need to change. There are some shrill voices here who are trying to argue that we should sling them out and have nothing more to do with them whatsoever. That’s a  shockingly uniformed suggestion from the nationalist/populist wing though. A fit of pique. Thinking with their dicks, if you will. China still delivers the key ingredients for 95% of our anti biotics, for example. Same as with the US, I think a little social distancing would be best for our future relationship. And we aren’t really into long distance relationships. Which clearly means China isn’t ‘the one’. Swipe right….

Oh, who’s this beauty? Reliable. Dependable. A bit doddery, true. But gets there in the end. She’s a real looker too. Classy. And look how those nails sparkle! She certainly scrubs up well. The US could certainly learn a thing or too here, that’s for sure. She’s local too, which is a big bonus. What’s her name? Why, she’s our first love. The EU. I think we may have found our match. I know, the divorce has technically gone through and we’re still fighting over the custody of the kids. But this period of self isolation provides ample time for clear headed thinking. 

We’re some way away from agreeing on moving back together. But it’s highly unlikely that the UK will leave the transition stage this year after all. And word is, a long term Pay As You Go relationship will be agreed, until a full, far reaching trade agreement can be signed off. I’d suggest it will be more far reaching than would have otherwise been agreed had there been no pandemic. It’s at time likes these that one works out whose ones friends really are. The grass is rarely greener on the other side.