The letter arrived in our post box yesterday. Here in the UK, 2021 is census year. Except, because of the pandemic, Scotland decided to put it off till next March. We don’t live in Scotland though. So it’s this year. And this year, it’s a digital census. One just needs to go to the census web page, enter the access code and away you go.
The questions are far from intrusive. They already have our address. They just want to know who lives here. When we were born. Do we work? Who do we work for? What are our genders and have they changed since birth? Our ethnicity? Our pronouns? And what religion are we?
The religion question is voluntary. But I have provided an answer to this question on each of the three previous censuses. Generally, I prefer to follow the rules and do the sensible thing. But this is my one opportunity to be a contrarian. It is permissible to be a contrarian. Just for this one sweet oxymoronic moment. It would be silly not to make the most of it.
In 2001 I declared myself to be a Jedi. I wasn’t alone. Nearly 0.8% of the population declared themselves to be Jedis, pushing past sikhism and Judaism to be the country’s fourth most popular religion. I decided to split from the Jedis in 2011 though, and declared myself a devout Pastafarian. The church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster was where it was at.
This year? I’ve had my fill of spag bol. It’s time to move on, but I didn’t want to just jump headfirst into any weird cult without thoroughly vetting them first. I’m not an idiot. But anyway, the long and short of it is that I’ve done my research. I’ve watched a few YouTube videos. I pee’d up a wall and studied the patterns. And a decision has been made.
Whilst the Peoples Liberation Front was a tempting option, I’ve decided to throw my lot in with the LastThursdayists. It resonates with me. Makes perfect sense. I was born on a Thursday. Today is a Thursday. I don’t really remember what i was doing the day before last Thursday. So it’s settled. I am officially a LastThursdayist. All that I need do now is check that you’re all the right sort. There aren’t any NextWednesdayists amongst you, are there? Splitters…
The Mexile 
Have you considered converting to Dudeism, aka the Church of the Latter Day Dude? I don’t think our (US) census asks about religion.
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I did consider every sensible option, and Dudeism was a possibility. But I felt if I were to go in that spiritual direction, perhaps the Royal Church of Chapists would be a more suitable home, given my nationality.
I suspect that a religion question on the US census would have everyone’s knickers in a twist and please no one. Except, obviously, for the Holy Order of the Knickertwisters. They’d even delighted, I’m sure.
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