Boris Johnson spoke to the people yesterday, detailing the government response to the current Coronavirus crisis. One can imagine him writing two speeches, as he did before the EU referendum, looking at two very different ways of approaching the situation.
In an alternative universe, I can picture Boris standing at the lecturn, shuffling his papers, preparing to put a positive spin on the disease. Don’t listen to the doom mongers, naysayers and letterbox people! Dominic Cummings stands to the side, looking shifty as ever, offering Boris prompts. Don’t forget the slogan. Fuck Pensioners! Think of the opportunities.
Well, shall we? Look at the opportunities created through the demise of a few hundred thousand pensioners. You know, every cloud, silver lining…
- Think of all the housing stock that will be freed up when all those pensioners snuff it. More housing, lower house prices. Win win!
- Think of all the wealth that will be unlocked when Barry from Essex inherits his parents savings. I’d buy shares in Labrokes and Carlsberg now, if I were you.
- Think of all the savings we’ll make, from social security payments to dementia care. Let’s be honest. We can’t really afford old people anyway.
- Sure there will be some losers. Mobility scooter salesmen will have to look for new jobs. But anyone in the funeral trade will be rolling in it.
- The entire transport system will run so much more smoothly. You’ll look back one day and chuckle as your bus whizzes past the stop at the end of Leppings Lane, instead of having to stop for ten minutes creating huge traffic jams while Edna climbed aboard.
I suspect Boris would have preferred to have given this speech. But even Boris is not quite so stupid. He would have been anticipating questions from the assembled journalists.
But Boris, when the blue rinse brigade has bitten the dust…who exactly will vote for you at the next election?
The Mexile 