Runkeeper

I am keeping a record of our walks, thanks to Runkeeper. And Runkeeper tells me I am nailing my one piece of exercise per day. Michael Gove, of the government, tells us we should be limiting ourselves each day to either a one hour walk or a thirty minute jog or bike ride. As you can see, we have been a little bit disobedient. But we obey the main rule. The number one requirement. The true measure of civil responsibility. We keep our distance from others. Two metres at all times. 

Are there odd occasions when someone else intrudes into our personal 200 cm safety zone? Yes, now and again an inconsiderate person, almost always a cyclist or jogger, forces their way into our space. And it absolutely infuriates me. I’ve developed a loathing for joggers. They breathe far too vigorously through their open, spittle infested mouths for my liking. I don’t say the ‘C’ word terribly often. It’s wheeled out only on special occasions. But I’ve directed the ‘C’ word – quite directly – towards more than one person over the last couple of weeks.

Am I being harsh? I don’t think so. They should just be grateful we can’t buy guns here or Bournemouth seafront would be littered with the corpses of selfish mouth breathers.