I like my job. But – and this is an unpopular opinion amongst most of my colleagues – I can’t help but feel our role should have been made redundant years ago. There should be idiot proof, super smart ticket machines in the booking halls capable of doing everything we can do and more. The government has suggested that this is what they want to do, and many of my colleagues are terrified of impending redundancy.
But mass redundancy is probably some way off. Because our booking halls actually contain old, unreliable, confusing, dumb ticket machines which can’t do half what we can do in the ticket office. And there’s no sign of them being replaced any time soon. That said, there are some ticket offices that barely see a customer and could be safely closed without risk of mildly upsetting more than half a dozen people. I know this because I ‘work’ at some of these offices.
I don’t think it’s terribly controversial to suggest that the railway in the UK is not having its finest hour at the moment. The reasons for this are legion. Parts of the system are buried in 1970s employment doctrine. Most of the railway is built or underpinned on Victorian infrastructure. Investment is patchy to say the least, and the whole network feels like it’s a Blue Peter project being held together by sticky back sellotape and toilet rolls. But most of all, because there is no Big Plan. No proper government policy on what the railway should be.
I could write a very long essay on the problems that I see on a daily basis. It would turn into a book and would still barely scratch the surface of all that’s gone wrong. Perhaps I should write it one of these days. And yet. And yet. I love working on the railway. I love travelling on the railway. There’s no finer way to see the country, in my opinion. So I have long had a Plan B, ready for the day the tickets offices shut up shop for the final time. I want to stay on the railway.
I got Plan B rolling quite some time ago. June 2019 in fact, when a vacancy for my dream railway job came up. My application was duly completed and sent off. Since then, there have been online assessments, classroom assessments, computer assessments and several interviews. Oh, and a two year Covid delay. Thank you, exotic animal munching man in Wuhan. Thanks very much.
The process reached its dramatic finale two weeks ago. The final interview. Truth be told, I thought I’d blown it. But the recruitment team disagreed. They thought I did just fine, it seems. So I start my new job in April, pending a satisfactory medical. My new job as a train driver. Well as a trainee train driver to start with. And whilst ticket offices might close, driverless trains are not coming within my working life. This, assuming continued good health and that I keep my nose clean, should see me through to retirement. A job for life.
Five year old me, who used to sit watching Driver Jones and Ivor the Engine with a sense of wonder, would be thoroughly impressed. Heck, fifty year old me is thoroughly impressed. I celebrated in style. Champagne and caviar? No, I went for something far more extravagant. I turned the heating on, ran a hot bath and drew steam engines in the condensation in the mirror. Choo choo!
The Mexile 
Well congratulations are in order of course as you will be living nearly every boys boyhood dream daily. I say nearly because mine was to fly a biplane with Biggles. But being at the wheel of such an immense diesel/electric monster will be exciting. I suppose it’s too early for presumptions but how many engines are used for intercity trains these days? Just the one or one pulling and one pushing? On our recent road trip to and from Calgary last year we saw several freight trains with multiple engines, of course those freight trains are double stacked so they need the horsepower to haul those suckers.
Don, a neighbour from across the street at our old house was a train engineer, he used to build and maintain steam engines. When he retired he built a one sixth scale steam engine in his garage. I only saw it once or twice but it was beautiful. I don’t think he ever finished it as his wife became I’ll and he lost interest in it.
Well congrats again, of course another benefit of the experience will be the possibility of working anywhere in the world should BR go belly up! You could even try whizzing through the Maeklong market in Bangkok, I’d say that’s a real heart stopper!
This isn’t an April 1st job is it?
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No, not an April Fools joke!
I’d rather like to drive trains round your way, or to the south of you. Canada and the US have some glorious tracks.
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I don’t suppose they offer a job swop in the summertime do they?
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You planned, you set a goal, you worked to achieve and you did. Nice going.
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Congratulations on your new job! It sounds exciting!
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All of my male ancestors worked on the railroad. Builder, conductor, brakeman, switchman and engineer.
Engineer was the dream job because that paid mucho dinero. Those days are, sadly, now gone as the good old USA has diverted all traffic to the highways. I have been on your trains and despite BR’s troubles they are a very exciting, impressive mode of travel. You are one fortunate bloke,
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What the US lacks in quantity, is well compensated by quality. There are some glorious routes in the US. I’d love to take the Zephyr out of Chicago to California one day. Maybe I will, now I’ve got a decent increase in pay…!
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And I am excited!
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“Thank you, exotic animal munching man in Wuhan. Thanks very much.”
Best and most concise summary of the whole thing ever given. 😅
Congrats, mate! Do you get free vittles from the dining car?
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I’ve no idea what virtues are, but beyond free train travel, nope! Everything has to be paid for.
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That is fantastic, Gary! Maybe back to Mexico for retirement, then?
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That’s something that has huge appeal…!
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I sent a comment but it got lost, probably because of Brexit. Now what sort of a train will you be conducting? A 150-car cargo monster with 50 tanks of toxic chemicals, or a more genteel intercity passenger kind? Catastrophic toxic spills can be exciting 😂. Either way congratulations!!!
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Gracias Al. I’ll be commandeering the helm of some pretty standard commenter trains. Nothing terribly exotic and nothing that takes me far from home. But it’s just what I want!
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