Don’t Be A C*nt

Once upon a time, in an English class I was giving in Mexico, the students wanted to discuss swear words. Bloody, piss, shit, wank, fuck were duly explained. Eventually someone asked about the worst word in the English language. What does c*nt mean? You just can’t say it in civilised society. Even in the movies, when the word was used, it was to define someone as a bit of an uncouth slob. At best. And yet here we are, nearly 20 years later, and the world around me has descended into such a shitshow that I find that the word c*nt can be justifiably used in a total accurate and appropriate manner at least a dozen times a day.

And now the Middle East has exploded into an absolute c*ntfest of c*ntery, with folk on both sides desperately trying their best to be the Top C*nt of the region. Maybe there’s a prize for it. A special tie that can be worn to big events. Forgive me, but I have limited sympathy for Gaza. Certainly less so than I have for the folk in the West Bank who actually are still occupied by the Israelis. This is, of course, not to say I agree with acts of unnecessary violence against them. Because, you know…I’m not a c*nt. But Gaza was given back to the people of Gaza more than 15 years ago. They got to choose who governed them in a free and fair election. And 44% of them decided to give their vote to Hamas, a bunch of truly evil ISIS styled c*nts standing on a manifesto that insisted that the Oslo Accords would be ignored, development aid would be diverted to rockets and weapons and the genocide of Israel was the way to go. And here we are today. Daft c*nts. How did they think that was going to work out?

Not that anything good can be said about the Israeli government. Netanyahu and his buddies are also utter c*nts, and have been for most of this century. Always doing their bit to make things worse. Watching the news last night, it did occur to me that there are so many different types of c*nt in that region that we need a good word to describe a plurality of them. Crows already have murder, so we can’t use that. Perhaps an apocalypse of c*nts works well enough? Whatever. I’m not on the side of any of the c*nts. Nope, I am flat out against c*ntish behaviour in all its forms, be it the antisemitic kind or the Islamophobic variety. I do, obviously hugely pity the kids and other poor c*nts in the strip who’d prefer to have nothing to do with either Hamas or the IDF and would rather just be left in peace. Also worth mentioning that I’m very grateful that I get to live where I do. I am, indeed, a very lucky c*nt. Very. Chance are, you are too.

I think that’s the best I anyone can aim for these days. Try not to be a c*nt. It’s all very ‘low bar’ stuff, I know. But my faith in humanity has rather diminished in recent years. And I do think the internet c*nternet has to take a lot of the blame for this. Such is life.